First of all, before you check the show out, you need to see the "Hoopla Rolls" that were put out leading up to the show. They're included on the DVD, and they're absolutely hilarious!
Also, before I go into the show, I should say this: I will be rating the matches, but don't let that sway your judgment, because they're all very entertaining. Based on what kind of show this was, I was contemplating not rating the matches at at all because this is such a unique show, but I decided to do so anyway, so don't take them too seriously.
ROH Unauthorized: A Night of Hoopla
Merrionette Park, Illinois 7/11/13
Truth Martini get things started by welcoming everyone to a Night of Hoopla! Following this, Scarlett Bordeaux sings the House of Truth National Anthem, which was pretty funny. God, who doesn't love Scarlett Bordeax?
Also, none of the referees will be wearing pants tonight, so be prepared for that. There was also no commentary, which was nice, as for once we didn't have to hear Kevin Kelly's voice.
1.) Non-Title Three-Way - ROH World TV Champion Matt Taven vs. Adam Cole vs. Eddie Edwards: **3/4
Very entertaining match. Basically it consisted of Edwards & Cole double teaming Taven in several hilarious ways. Referee Gino Colucci gets spanked by Scarlett, who ends up herself later getting chopped in the ass by Eddie Edwards. Things break down but Taven escapes with the win. Very entertaining match that mixed some wacky shenanigans with some good wrestling.
After the match, Adam Cole & Eddie Edwards pretend to do the Eiffel Tower to an imaginary Hoopla Hottie to the delight of the crowd (Google it if you don't know what an Eiffel Tower is).
Next, Jimmy Jacobs descends from the rafters singing "The Ballad of Lacey". He then sings his new single "Gypsy Soul". Jacobs is actually a very talented musician. All of his songs are available on iTunes.
2.) Special Guest Referee: Maria Kanellis - "The Machismo King" Jay Lethal vs. Delirious: **1/2
Essentially, Delirious & Jay Lethal reenacted the entire Ultimate Warrior/Randy Savage match from WrestleMania VII, pretty much move-for-move. It was entertaining, though I think some might like this more than others. I still enjoyed it.
After the match, Jay Lethal asks Maria (playing the role of Elizabeth) to marry him. She says yes, but Michael Bennett runs in, grabs Maria, and takes off with her.
Up next is the Pants Off Dance Off, with the Judge who, appropriately enough, is Judge Jeff Jones (he was Mike Awesome's Manager in the Original ECW). It features Scarlet Bordeauz, Seleziya Sparx, and Val Malone. All the ladies strip down and do their thing, but before Jeff Jones can pick a winner, Davey Richards comes out. It looks like he's going to go on a speech about how ROH has the best wrestling in the world, but instead tells them to hit the music and starts doing his own dancing!!! He violently humps the turnbuckle in something that has to be seen to be believed. Jeff Jones declares Davey Richards the winner of the Pants Off Dance Off!
This brings out Silas Young, who uses expletives to describe what he just saw. He chastises Davey Richards for not being a real man, and it looks like their match is getting started now.
3.) Davey Richards vs. Silas Young: **3/4
These two start to wrestle, but Silas would keep bailing out of the ring. Truth Martini comes out and says to make sure the action stays in the ring, he's turning this match into a Lumberjill Match!! The Lumberjills turn out to be a bunch of dudes in drag (which actually grossed me out a bit), but nonetheless, they had their match. Silas getting involved with some of the "Lumberjills" (I'll just leave it at that) leads to Davey Richards getting the win. Again, very entertaining.
After the match, Davey takes the mic and sings. Yes, you read that right.
Back from intermission, Truth Martini and the Hoopla Hotties pick a fan from the audience and offer him a lap dance from the Hoopla Hotties. They blindfold him, and bring some...shall we say "less than attractive" women instead. When the guy takes his blindfold off, he's scared out of his mind and runs off. Weird little segment.
4.) ROH World Tag Team Titles - reDRagon vs. Roderick Strong & Cheeseburger: ***1/2
Now we get to some of the more serious matches of the night. It was actually very good. Of course we would all expect this from a match with Roderick Strong, Bobby Fish & Kyle O'Reilly, but give a lot of credit to Cheeseburger as well. He did a great job in his role and the crowd loved him. Like the opener, this mixed some great wrestling with comedy, and it worked pretty well.
Up next is Hoopla Uncut, and Truth Martini brings out his guest: Satan (Once again...yes, you are indeed reading that correctly). He says he owns a lot souls in Chicago, and even in Ring of Honor, saying the only reason QT Marshall had a job was because he sold his soul to him. Truth asks Satan to take his pants off, and it looks like he's going to but then refuses, and belittles the Chicago Crowd, saying they're all going to hell. This leads to Scarlett low-blowing Satan, and Seleziya laying him out with a Death Valley Driver. They then take his pants off. Eh...the QT Marshall line was the only entertaining part of this segment.
5.) Athena & Adrenaline Rush vs. MsChif, "Unbreakable" Michael Elgin & BJ Whitmer: ***1/2
Apparently, Michael Elgin & MsChif were a couple, and had actually gotten married a few days prior, and they play that up a lot during the match. A really fun match here. Like the opener and the World Tag Team Title Match, it featured a great mix of solid wrestling and comedy. Athena saw a lot of action in this one, and it was good to see her hold her own. Everyone else did a great job as well. The match saw Elgin bust out the worn!!! In the end, Elgin & MsChif made out, and Elgin spit the green mist in the face of Tadarius which led to the Bucklebomb/Elginbomb combo for the win.
Overall: 9.0/10 (Entertainment Value)
As I mentioned in the beginning, I wouldn't take the star ratings that seriously, just because of what kind of show this was. Overall, it was really entertaining and a lot of fun. People have said this thousands of times, but ROH tends to take themselves really seriously, so it was really fun to see them do something refreshing and totally outside the box. Simply, it's just a lot of fun. Their is literally no reason why you shouldn't get this show. It's worth every penny.
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